Love, Sex and Attachment

Try not to confuse attachment with love. Attachment is about fear and dependency, and has more to do with love of self than love of another. Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn’t about what others can give you because you’re empty. It is about what you can give others because you’re already full


Yasmin Mogahed

Lust or love

Lust is about a powerful physical attraction towards somebody. It’s focused on seduction, excitment. Fantasies are mostly sexual, or about appearance, body parts.

An endless conquest where satisfaction is never reached, because once you possess the object of your desire, your interest flies away.

It’s about being more interested in having sex than having intimate conversations.

Lust can lead us to true love when we get to know and become attached to our sexual partner. But this require to recognize our wholeness first and not put them on a pedestal.

But lust can also lead us to become dependant or attached through a love/romance fantasy, that feels like love. But really is nothing more than a love chemical shot to hide a lack of self-love and a fear of abandonment.

Nowadays, we first want to make sure we’re sexually compatible before we even know if we have an emotional or spiritual connection.

Unconscious sex is nothing more than empty sex, instant pleasure and satisfaction of a sexual urge.

Lust is how we idealize someone because we don’t know how to love ourselves.

Our vision of love maybe suffers from a lack of self-esteem, or of any addictions when growing-up (drugs, alcohol, sugar, sex, gambling, work, co-dependency, gaming, eating disorders, shopping, smoking, energy drinks, food…).

Any type of addiction is just a means of escape, to escape from ourselves, to numb our feelings. Because we’re trying unconsciously to suppress this feeling coming from our chilhood : «I’m not good enough».

It doesn’t mean we’re a bad person, but rather we didn’t find a more positive method to meet our needs.

Love is when we stand up 100 % for ourself in a relationship.

Love is taking the risk to create a new source of happiness by letting our guard down, to trust them with your hopes and fears, dreams and disappointments. Love is about being emotionally close to somebody, spending time together, having sex and opening up to intimacy.

Intimacy isn’t sex, it’s sharing oneself willingly.

Love or Attachment

Every type of relationship starts with attachment first, this is why we choose to continue or not with them.

We often confuse attachment and love, because the more we get attached to somebody, the more we deeply think we’re in love.

It’s like we need the sens of security a relationship brings us, because the fear of being rejected or abandoned is at the top.

Toxic attachment is based on fear of loneliness, insecurities and ego.

With attachment rises manipulation (feelings, as a means of power over somebody…), we try to change our partner into our ideal.

We’re waiting for someone to bring us happiness, and this happiness is conditioned by their behaviour.

Now, ask yourself : Do you consider your partner for their personality, traits of character ; or for what they bring to you ?

As sometimes we cling to a relationship or to somebody not really compatible with us in order to not feel this emptiness. Are they bringing you joy or insatisfaction ?

Attachment is also when we self-sacrifice for our partner, when how they feel about us is more important than how we feel about ourselves. When their dreams, or a mutual dream has more value than our own achievements. Do you pursue any of your personal goal on your side ?

Love is not a bargain chip nor is sex.

Manipulation through sex is common with attachment : to receive attention or affection, to maintain contact.

If you’re single as well : going back to a toxic/painful ex-relationship just for sex, having frequent multiple partners, compulsive sex with strangers.

Because you don’t love yourself enough yet, you might confuse your worth with your ability to be desired.

With love, we help each other to grow in harmony ; no room for the masks, we are 100 % ourselves.

Love is when we’re responsible of our own happiness and we enjoy to make somebody happy.

Love illuminates, soothes, elevates, supports.

Love is listening and empathy, love is simple, love is soft.

Love is being fully present today, but we don’t have to love them eternally. We build love, we nourish it and it lasts the time it should last, sometimes for a day, sometimes for life.

Love is at our own pace, it’s not to say «I love you» at the same moment, it may starts slowly, timidely.

So what if love at first sight, crazy in love since day one or even love only last three years were wrong ?

I hope you had a good time, I wish you a beautiful day.

Melanie

You might also like…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.